Burning Out

I’ve been a terrible webmaster, blogger, and blog buddy lately. For some reason, I have been feeling super burned out. I haven’t wanted to do anything except play video games and sleep. I’ve even had to force myself to get up and spend time with Lee. It’s not that I didn’t want to; it’s just I was so burned out and have been craving a ton of alone time, doing non-productive things without obligation. I’m not sure what burned me out. I think it was work, which got super stressful over the weeks leading up to, the week of, and the week after Labor Day. I gave up one of my days off to help my Lead out, and all he did was complain, and didn’t seem appreciative at all. Things have calmed down a ton since then, though, I’m picking up more and more each day, and work has been less stressful lately. I noticed I feel like doing more recently, and I don’t feel burned out anymore. I guess it’s natural to crave and need alone time without obligation, but I am so used to helping so many people, and doing so much, that it really bums me out when I get that way.

I made a new fanlisting to Animorphs, a book series that means so much to me. I grew up reading Animorphs, and it really impacted my life. Friends I made from the Animorphs community, and still have to this day, are probably the only ones who are able to truly understand that impact, but it was a great, fun, series, as well, and I’m happy to give it a fanlisting. The fanlisting is also to the terrible, but guilty-pleasure TV show we true fans don’t talk about. The layout is super simple and borrows the style from a layout I made for my Starbuck site relaunch. I was struggling with graphic images, and defaulted to this to get the fanlisting up. It actually works. I may try to make a new layout later on, but for now I’m satisfied.

The site I mentioned above is Forget Me Not, which I relaunched yesterday. You will definitely see the borrowed elements I used on my Animorphs fanlisting (I love that background on my sci-fi sites), though this layout was intentional, and not a fall-back layout. Forget Me Not is a very small dedication to Kara “Starbuck” Thrace from the TV show Battlestar Galactica. I wanted a place to rant and rave about the intense arc surrounding her character in the final season of the show. I took it down because it was so small. Lee and I are rewatching the series (He is watching it for the first time), and I would like to expand this site as I go, so I relaunched it. Even if I don’t expand it, I need to get over the idea that my sites have to be monster-sized.

Right before I started feeling burned out, I opened a site called New Dreams to my town in Animal Crossing: New Leaf. I still am ridiculously obsessed with that game. New Dreams will evolve over time with my town. Already, the Villagers page is out of date because I cycled villagers in and out during my burned out period. I’ll update that page soon. The rest is fine though.

For feeling burned out, I got quite a bit done. I need to do something with my Sites page because I have so much going on there, and I’m not happy with how it’s organized. I’ll figure out something soon.

How have you guys been? I’ll be hitting up all of my friends’ blogs very soon.

Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs

Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar ChildrenI finished the first book on my new Kindle tonight: Miss Peregrine’s Home For Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs. I read it off and on in two days. I’m not really sure what I expected. The premise could have been horror or fantasy, and I was prepared for both. I had heard the book compared to Harry Potter and X-Men, and after reading it, I fully agree with that comparison. Miss Peregrine runs a home for children with abilities, children who have no place else to go. It’s a lot deeper than that, though, and I don’t want to spoil the book by giving away too many details. While the photos and some of the characters are creepy, the book is definitely not horror.

The overall premise is this: Following the death of his grandfather, 16-year-old Jacob Portman sets out to find answers about his grandfather’s death and the life he lived by visiting the place his grandfather grew up. There, Jacob finds his grandfather’s former headmistress, and the kids he grew up with all exactly how his grandfather left them; they haven’t aged a day. By learning more about the life his grandfather led, Jacob learns more about himself.

The book uses old, vintage photographs and hand-written notes to illustrate characters and scenes. I’ve never seen that done before, but it was interesting. Riggs stated that the photographs are real; he simply created stories for the people in them. Perhaps due to the photographs, the story is incredibly atmospheric. Reading it, I felt like I stepped back in time.

My one gripe, if I had to have one, would be that Jacob was hard for me to relate to at the beginning, because he was a rich kid who was having things (his job, his car, and a psychiatrist to name a few) handed to him. I think his family’s wealth was important to get Jacob to the island, however, and without it we might not have had a story. Jacob grew on me as the story went on, though, and I felt his struggles toward the end. In a way, I felt Jacob grew and matured as the story went on. This is a minor gripe, and one I admit is drawn from personal preference. I guess I prefer characters who have to struggle more. This did not take away from the story in any way.

The first thirty percent of the book set everything up, and the last seventy raced for me. I couldn’t put the book down. The ending left a lot open for a sequel. Luckily, it’s readily available.

Mommy Dearest

I’ve been thinking about my mom a lot lately, and it’s unsettling. I love her. I really do. I just can’t explain why, really.

I have memories, pretty bad ones, in which she let me down.

She kicked me out of the house when she found out I was gay.

She would get drunk every single night when I was in high school, and keep me up hours later than I should have been staying up, bitching about cleaning, her life, and everything else.

She stole money from my birthday cards.

During my senior year, I had to write an autobiography, and my mom found it, read it, was embarrassed about what she read (details about me being taken away by DSS when  I was four, going to live with my grandfather, and then being put in a children’s home), and went to my school to talk to my guidance counselor and the teacher I wrote the autobiography for, and told them I made it up.

She would let me get cats, and then get tired of them and put them outside. They all disappeared or died.

She got me Driver’s Education classes for my birthday one year, and I started taking them. The instructor let me drive with him for two days. The second day was when my mom was supposed to pay him when he dropped me off at home. She wasn’t there. We sat in the driveway for hours before the instructor apologized to me and told me he had to drop me. That was so embarrassing, and I felt so betrayed.

She habitually lies to me, saying she’ll do things for me, like send me money for Christmas or my Birthday, and if she does actually end up doing it, it’s late. She’ll be like, “Have you checked the mail today? It should be there,” knowing damn well she hasn’t sent it. What’s weird is she does come through some of the time. Just enough to give me hope that she loves me and is trying to be a good mother.

I still love her. I still keep her in my life even after all of the things that she has done, or not done. She’s family, and I only get one mother. I guess, deep down, I still have hope she’ll change. It’s kind of like watching a movie you’ve seen before. When the Titanic is about to hit the iceberg in Titanic, I’m on the edge of my seat wincing, thinking maybe this time the Titanic won’t hit the iceberg. Maybe Rose and Jack can have a happy ever after. The Titanic sinks. Jack dies.

I have four brothers from my mom. I have a few more siblings from my dad. Anyway, three of my brothers from my mom are triplets, and are 12 years old. My other brother, Kenny, is a year younger than me. Kenny bought the triplets a Wii U, and my little brothers have been so excited about it. They’ve been playing lots of different games, and have been calling me to talk about them, or beg me to play online with them. I just learned from one of them that a couple weeks ago my mom pawned their Wii U because she needed money. She told them not to tell me, because I’d be mad. Damn right, I’m mad. It’s more of the same shit she did to me, only now it’s to my little brothers. I’ve considered buying and sending them a new Wii U, but my mom is just going to eventually pawn that one, too.

Sorry for the rant. I needed to get this out of my system.